Now, to some, it may seem strange to make a serious tourist trip only 23 miles away from your home, but in this world of North-Karelia, it can be a remarkable distanse. Our towns are pocketed in their own munipacities, surrounded and divided by forest. They can have totally different characteristic populations and quirks, and often carry their own cultural pride. They are joined together by a network of gravel roads and little rivers. Paved, straight highways are scarse in North-Karelia.

Tuupovaara is one such a town, that is set slightly aside from the main road, and thus most people drive past it. On my forest adventures, I have driven through the town a few times, but this time, I desided to get better familiar with it. After all, it was a splendid summer day!

Teboil of Kovero, an oasis in the desert

I started by fueling my car and my own coffee-running engine at the gas-station in Kovero, where the main road takes a turn towards Tuupovaara. There I also red the local newspaper, Pogostan Sanomat. It notified me about a summer event happening in Tuupovaara today! The promise was for food, free entertainment, lottery and pancakes on campfire. Sounds good!

Then I began to investigate the location. I had never heard of it. No one else in the world seems to have head of it either. It did not show on any maps. No search brought it up online.

Eventually, I found that 1 person had made a brief video of the location on youtube, in his hiking trail videos. He used a drone to take video from up in the air, and let me tell you – you can barely even see this place through the forest that covers it. There is a campfire with some benches, and a cabin that looks smaller than my flat, grey and worn-out, and a short jetty to the lake. This is, where there is going to be an event?

My mind began to draw images of the forest spawning the worst kind of inbred hillbillies, that gather to such places to get totally wasted on moonshine, shag and fight and eventually drown or throw a few of their own in the lake, or make other kind of sacrifice. Do I really want to go there and risk getting involved? Well, I desided to brace myself and just go. This is what you came here for, Venla!

Still, one had to find the place somehow. I asked the man who keeps the gas-station, and he kindly brought me another man, from among those who sit outside the gas-station and watch the traffic. He gave me very clear driving instructions. What gents, both of them!

Follow what you can through differing realities

I had a couple of hours before the start of the event, so I desided to check out another location in Tuupovaara in the meantime. A place called Ullakko (attic). It gets mentioned in papers and other instances sometimes, so it is assumably some kind of a hotspot. However, I had difficulty to figure out where it was too! Clearly, you cannot trust Google maps in North-Karelia, and I would not advice anyone to rely, or even use it! I have very nearly died a few times by following Google maps in the country roads, and even in town, it seems to show locations that clearly are not there. So I have long since given up on it and just rely on other sources available.

Driving along the main road through Tuupovaara town, there are very few signposts. Markletplace, church, and an old post that says “Kaksi kalaa”(2 fishes), with an indicator for accomodation. I had driven past this sign before, and I was sure that such a place does not exist, that it must be an old hostell that has long since gone bankrupt. But just today, as I was writing this post, I checked it out and it appears, that it is real! Overall, North-Karelia is full of places and sights and services, that either are, or aren’t there, and places that market themselves with enthusiasm, but don’t give you any indication of how to get there, how to contact them, and even less of when they are open.

It seems, that people here rely on everyone here just knowing these things. So the best way to get around is to rely on these people. I did just that, and I had no trouble at all. By asking someone, I found Ullakko too, - and to my surprise, it was where Google Maps said it was!

Colonialisation by administration

In Ullakko, which was a very pretty old wooden house, I found two very engaging women doing their thing. Currently they were arranging a little exhibition of old postcards, and one of them explained to me how she was arranging them by what flowers are portrayed in them. Roses in their own category and tulips in their own section etc. Interesting choice!

The other one was nearly yelling at me, but I soon realized that it was just her way to talk. She told me, that there used to be an art exhibition in the upstairs of the building too, but when the town of Tuupovaara joined the city of Joensuu, Joensuu STOLE all their art exhibition and moved it over there. Now Joensuu holds their exhibition as their own, in a whole another settlement, and benefits from it too. This theme of colonialisation by administration is something I heard the locals talk about in other instances as well. I will write more about it in another blog post. Please stay tuned!

Kesäpilkkeet – not a scary summer event

It was time to step outside my comfort-zone and risk this event that I had planned for today. I found the location as it was instructed to me. It was that place in the woods with a tiny jetty and a campfire and a shed shown in the hiking video. But there was nobody there. I was alone, at what appeared like a place for swimming. There was a big sign with the name of the place too, and it matched with the name of the place pointed in the event ad. So where was everybody?

I looked around a bit. This kind of tiny swimming places are known to me from my childhood. Nothing better than to take a dip in one of these, in solitude from the world. You can swim naked, let your dog swim, no one is there to see you, beautiful nature around.

But now, my eyes catch information tables of terror! No dogs allowed! No smoking! Keep children at an arm’s length! Watch out for blue-green algae!

When did the world become like this? And the worst: These ‘information tables’ claim to teach you how to live ‘responsibly’. As if you were a bad person if you enjoyed yourself like you used to – like all generations before you have done, freely, respectfully. It is like the purpose of putting these sign posts here is to bring the surveillanse and judgement of the world to these isolated places, where you are not otherwise watched.

I want to tell you, dear reader: Let your dog swim! It will love it! Smoke if you want to! Hell, swim in blue-green algae if you feel like it! There is nobody here, at this little swimming place! And even if, don’t be afraid of your fellow man. Enjoy yourself and live your life! The signposts are not alive and watching you. Those people who write signposts and do ‘responsible’ have no life. That’s why they want to control your life. Don’t let them.

Anyway, where is this event? On my way back along the road, I saw a couple of cars driving further down, and desided to follow them. And there we are! At another small beach location, with another campfire and another grey and worn out cabin of minuscule caliber, there were a good couple dozen people present! There was the promised food – moose meat soup with bread (5€/serving), promised entertainment (improvisation theatre group, quite fun), and coffee and pancakes. No moonshine that I could spot, and nobody was wasted or drowned. Some people arrived on boats across the lake, and everyone had a warmly fun time. I didn’t win anything in the lottery, but I am glad that I risked it!

The event was hosted by Tuupovaaran Pilkekylät Ry, which is a little assosiation of joined nearby villages.

Pizza in Wirsuvaara.

After the event, I felt like risking another location that I had prejudice about. Wirsuvaara is a hotel-restaurant at the heart of Tuupovaara, where someone gets a bottle to their head almost every weekend. So I have red on many occasions in Pogostan Sanomat.

I entered the establishment to see people already on the dancefloor and sounding mildly tipsy, at 3 PM. In that sense the place stood up to it’s reputation. However, the staff was very professional, even classy by North-Karelian standard. I ordered a pizza and a soda. The pizza was good, but small. I wonder why. Usually these off-chain restaurants serve the biggest pizzas to build trade by reputation. Also, usually in pizza-places around here, the serving comes with coffee for dessert, so I asked the waitress if my order included any coffee. She said, that she would ask in the kitchen – and I assumed that she must be new and not certain about it. When she returned, she told me that coffee isn’t usually part of the pizza order, but they had a birthday party earlier that day, and there was some leftover cake! So she offered me strawberry cake with coffee for free, as a complimentary! This has got to be my lucky day! And what personalized customer experience!

After leaving Wirsuvaara in quite a happy state, I saw an old woman who had fallen down in the parking lot of the shop nearby. She was fine, but witnessing the dedication of the local growd to help her out made me finally convinced, that Tuupovaara as a whole outshines it’s shady reputation by far!

Rajanpolvi, forgotten history in many layers

After a visit to the restaurant, it was a good time to burn some energy! So I did a quik online search for some forest adventure location! As some of you know, I like to pinpoint historical or otherwise interesting locations in the backwoods and check them out. Such places are many in this area. The hilltop villages around Tuupovaara hold many legends. Every name on a map holds a story to it.

On the official Tuupovaara website, I found a mention of a place called “Rajanpolvi“(Border’s knee). It is literally an old border point between the regions of Kuopio and Viaborg before the last war, and previously a border between kingdoms of Sweden and Russia, and even earlier a point between something else. So we are talking about a marker or an indication in terrain, that likely makes a good referense to use as a border marker.

Again, finding it took some effort. It was not on Google maps, not on terrain maps, not on official maps of finnish museum insitute. Tuupovaara official website gave vague indicators on where it might be, but good enough. I found it!

It was an uplifted slate of stone on a bed of smaller stones. There was a clearly carved line on it, like the letter I or number 1, but nothing else. It was in the deepest jungle. Even though the distanse between the pointer and the road nearby wasn’t much, there was no path leading to the stone, or any indicator telling that there was something there. Where would you even put a path in this kind of terrain? Rocky, forested swamp where each step was a risk. The air was thick of hungry horseflies. Great place for a border zone! No one will want to come through here!

Still, there was an old signpost, that likely had in the past told the story of this place. I cannot imagine it ever having many people reading it, but it made me sad, that now, when someone came here to read it, the story was gone. I hold this kind of story-boards in the woods in high regard. I wish they were better maintained. If only I knew the story, now all of you would too.

Korpiselkä – you made it this far!

I was sweaty and insect-bitten when I made it back into my car. So I thought I’d look for a place to freshen up! There is a nice beach along the road that vaguely follows today’s Finno-Russian Border zone. I had seen it, driving by. Sadly, I forgot wether to take left turn or right turn when coming from Tuupovaara, so ofcourse I took left, and went the wrong way. I drove all the way to the village of Korpiselkä, without seein a glimpse of a beach. However, there is an orthodox chapel there, which I had not yet seen. Might as well check that out.

The chapel was closed. And when I was taking my leave again, my car didn’t start! It does that sometimes ...on a hot day. I had no other option than to let it cool down before starting again.

Just a stone-throw away from the chapel stands a mighty log-house called Korpiselkätalo (the house of Korpiselkä). It offers accommodation, and it crossed my mind to ask for a room, have a shower and a bed and continue adventures tomorrow. There was no one there, but atleast there was an ad poster on the wall, which told me a phone number, and that a room costs 35€.

“I am not present at the house, but I can guide you around so you can find what you need.” – a voice on the line explained.

“Everythign is included! There is a shower, and a TV, but we have problems with the broadcast, from Russian interference. The room costs 40 €. It costs 40€ because I guide you around so you can find the sheets for yourself. Do you have your own sheets? No? Well then the room costs 50€, with the sheets.”

At this point I told her that I’d think about it, and hung up. I wonder what happened to the 35€ and everything included? And how much would the room have cost without russian interference?

Luckily, I still had some coffee in a thermos and sandwitches with me. Always keep coffee and sandwiches, my good people! It will make an emergency wait more enjoyable. And what’s the emergency? It is still but a lovely summer evening! So I enjoyed my car-cooling time with coffee and a lovely view over a glimmering lake!

Wrap the day up in a blanket of magic

Once my car was ready to start I continued my search for a swimming place. The day had already turned late to the evening, but there was no sign of aproaching darkness. These summer nights of my beloved land are but lingering sunsets, where time stands still and the world dwells in golden light. There is a quiet, mysterious humm in the ambience. It forms somewhere in the forests and resonates somewhere in the lakes, the quietly swirling rivers an the clouds of mosquitos across the landscape. It all blends into one sound in the still air that carries each whisper far. There is no boundary between one sound and another, no boundary between earth and ether.

In this atmosphere I arrived at Koskenniska. It is a tiny museum site by gentle rapids that displays an old mill site, and Timo-Hilippa’s trapping path. I made a little video about that earlier, you can watch it here.

 However, ofcourse the museum was closed at this time of night. I came here to see the small swimmign place next to the museum, and to feel the magic in the water. This is, to me, one of those places that make me believe in the water-folk, the fae that live in the lakes and rivers. There is something close to the surface about the vibes here. Something that leads your mind to step into the water, take a dive through the surface, and meet those who live under.

There were other people there too, at Koskenniska. Maybe three or five, I did not count. We did not even look at eachother. We did not speak to eachother. But we all were aware of eachother and welcomed eachother in this place. To speak a word would break the tranguility of the evening. To greet another would have violated the understanding. Destroyed that, which allowes drifting-by souls to merely linger here, at this time in the endless sunset. There was nothing awkward about it, even though all social norms would say otherwise. I do not know where else in the world strangers can meet on the same shore, and just be quiet and totally comfortable with it.

Not far from Koskenniska is an old deepwoods burial-ground called Pörtsämö. I thought to myself: what a better place to stay overnight than an isolated ancient graveyard! So I parked my car outside the gate and desided to try sleeping there overnight. I have a very distant memory of this place, from my early childhood, or maybe even a past life. Or maybe it was a dream? But from somewhere, I remember coming here a long time ago with my family, and someone had told a tale that was then mentioned. According to the tale, some local person succeeded to bring their son back to life from the dead here. Quite a disturbing story and thus it was printed in my mind.

Wether it is true, I cannot say. There does not seem to be a line between reality and fantasy when it comes to these stories, and these places. There is a tiny path leading into the woods, as I see it from my car at the graveyard gate. A signpoint says ‘Loma-Kitsi 9km’. I look it up online with my cellphone, and Loma-Kitsi is a holiday reserve, in a whole another region. Clearly this signpost is wrong by indicating that to be in fact located in that forest somewhere. Then again, we are in Tuupovaara. It either is, or it isn’t. Maybe I’ll take that chance one day.

Tips for travelling the gravel roads in North-Karelia

• Learn some locations and activities beforehand. They really do not tell much of themselves and you miss some real gems hidden away from the main roads.

• Start early in the morning. Most places and services close early.

• Have some picnic supplies with you, just in case.

• Have a travelling map on paper with you. Don’t leave yourself reliant on the internet or digital maps.

• Likewise, Not all info can be found online. Engage with the people. Read the local newspaper. Read the shop's billboard. Digital world is digital world. Reality is something else. Enjoy the reality! Leave digi in the office!

• Distances are surprisingly long here. Have your favorite car music to make just driving around enjoyable.

• Fill your tank up when you can, you wont see another gas station.

• Don’t even try these roads with a Tesla, they were made in horse-and-wheel era.

• Step out of your comfort zone! This is how adventures happen!

Smoking is a great way to reduce your property’s appeal and market value. Anyone who does not realize this, or who undermines the effect of smoking in a house, may be given the task of getting rid of the smell.

I was facing this task lately, when I moved to a new apartment. The previous habitor was a smoker, - ‘casual’, the landlord said. ‘Outside on the balcony’ – he clarified. Yet somehow it took me nearly a week of frantic battle to get rid of the reeking stench that had builtup inside every corner of the flat, in the form of stinking, sticky goo. 

How did I achieve victory? Well here is my report:

What does NOT work

- Vinegar

As much as I love vinegar as a miracle treatment to anything, it does not work in this case. It only neutralizes te smell, nad temporarily hides it from yoru perception. Those little smell particles still float in the air – without you knowing it. To think, that they catch on your clothes and hair without your notice, and then appear again, when the vinegar’s effect wears out!

The worst thing about this is that it does work temporarily. I scrubbed the walls and floors of the whole apartment with detergent-vinegar mix, and thought myself to be done by this – only to find out that I will have to do it all over again, with better solution.

- Baking soda

Another neutralizer, and very efficient! I left some on a wipe plate in the closet, and it indeed neutralized the tobacco smell, and made the closet surprisingly fresh! However, as soon as I took the plate out of the closet, the tobacco began sneaking back in. So as with vinegar, the effect is only temporary, and the smell will still catch on your clothes in the closet and appear later.

Still, because baking soda does not have a pungent smell of it’s own, it is a good way to trick someone to buy your smelly house.

- Air fresheners

Seriously, these sprayables smell even worse than tobacco, and only fill your room with chemicals and possible residue and more moist particles on top of that.

- Chemicals

I tried two different market-bought detergents. One all-over purpose cleaner, an another, much more toxic bathroom cleaner. Both promised to battle against bad smells, yet neither my bathroom, nor my livingroom, were entirely free of tobacco smell, after a thorough scrubbing of walls, floors nad ceiling. The smell was still there, and a rainy weather revealed it even stronger, with humidity.

I also could not help but wonder, wether lathering with toxic chemicals in these closed environments in such a fevent manner would give me cancer. It certainly felt unpleasant, and even hazardous health-wise. Breathing these things is not recommende by any means, and even rubber cloves can only protect you until you get the stuff underneath them...

What DOES work

+ Laundry detergent

IT makes sense that since laundry detergent gets rid of smell in clothes, it will do that on surfaces too. And since it deals with both, natural and chemical fabrics, it can be assumed somewhat gentle to most surfaces. However, one must be careful with any residue it may leave behind, because it is very toxic stuff! Don’t use if you have pets in the house that might lick on it.

I removed the smell off an ancient plastic flooring in my closet by applying laundry detergent like regular cleaner, - let it foam and sizzle for a good while, then removed the foam, and finished the floor with a wet towel to remove residue. The smell is gone and hasn’t come back.

- Mäntysuopa - Pine oil soap

All hail the queen of detergents! The secret of finnish women! The Mäntysuopa of old!

This miracles stuff is worth of legends, and been around and trusted by generations! It is a pity, that it was the last thing I tried. In my silly mind I thought, that modern era chemicals would surely be more effective, - but I was so wrong.

I use this marvel to wash my rugs every summer, at the shore of the lake. It is bio-degrading, and safe for the environment, even so that women wash their rugs in Helsinki centrum by the highly protected northern sea, without even the officials worrying about it.

The best thing about it, that it is 100% safe to use. You can wash your walls and rugs and wooden deck with it. Your babies and your dogs and cats. Using of it is pleasant, and the fume from it is easy to breathe, with only the amazing sense of pine-freshness surrounding you and your home. You do not need cloves during te scrubbing – I even prefer not to wear cloves, because the feeling of the soap on my hands tells me if the mix is too heavy. The only downside is that if used too thickly in the mix, pine-oil soap can leave a bit of residue.

The same pine-oil soap (Mäntysuopa) is not only used to remove bubble gum from fabrics and the hardest residue from the oven, but also used in the most varying ways, including treating of atopia/achema, repenting of pest in the garden, and making of felt.

With this simple old trick, by washing my walls and floors and ceilings with pine-oil soap, the brown tint and lingering smell were gone for good!

More info and History of Mäntysuopa (in finnish, use translator) https://www.maaseuduntulevaisuus.fi/uutiset/c35836b3-a00b-5433-a165-306727719e34

If there is no Mäntysuopa available in your country, the british brand Sunlight is basically the same, and just as trusted a product.

+Odour remover

These are sprayable products that penetrate the source of the smell on a surface, lift it up, and let it fly away with the wind. They are great to aim and spray in small gaps where Pine-oil scrubbing cannot reach, and on surfaces that are too delicate for washing.

Be aware, that the area where you use these is going to smell even worse for a day or two, but that is just because all that grime is coming off and now floating in the air around. Air the spaces where you use these thoroughly, and you'll be left with fresh end result.

Downside on these is, that they are generally fairly expensive, and their efficasy seems to wary quite alot. I used a brand called Softcare - which worked very well in my apartment.  I also tried another brand that is ment for car interiors, and promises to also destroy organic matter such as mold. However, it did not seem to work as promised.

+ Kitty-litter

To maintain odors in your house, you may try placing a wide dish of kitty-litter somewhere near the source of smells, or up near the rafters or in the corners where moisture gathers. After all, kitty litter is made particularily for the purpose to absorb smells. Odors are usually the strongest when there is moisture in the air, and kitty-litter absorb moisture and the odor particles within. Just make sure to get the kind that is not dusty, some varieties break and spread around dust powder, and may even make your place dirty. They also come nicely scented if that suits your fancy.

Do you have any secret weapons of your own? Any stories of smelly household horrors and eventual triumph or defeat? Let’s hear them in the comments. :)

Features: Boobs, Abs, cute animals

Directed by Don Coscarelli 

Starring Marc Singer, Tanya Roberts, John Amos and Rip Torn. 

This movie is for: Children and teenagers. 80’s fans. Fantasy enthusiasts. Whole family.

This movie is NOT suitable for: Sceptics, movie critics, modern audiences.

You remember those epic fantasy pin-up posters we had in the 80’s? With athletic heroes, strange monsters, and majestic animals, and equally athletic and nearly nude heroines crawling at their feet. This movie is one of those posters made live. In that sense, the cover of the Beastmaster 1989 does not lead astray, and is good enough to put up on a wall.

The actual theatrical release poster comes with the corniest punchline ever.

Despite of such facepalm-worthy advertising, The Beastmaster is surprisingly tame, down to earth and simply lovely specimen of a fantasy movie. Perhaps the advertizing is one of the reasons why it did not do so well on it’s release. It is not as epic as it claims to be, not as cheesy as you’d expect either, but seems to take itself somewhat seriously. In my opinion it is a good fantasy starter-pack for anyone stepping into the genre. If only it did well enough in the box office, to launch a wave of movies more like it. Then, perhaps, we would enjoy more fantasy movies that take us deeper into fantasy – instead of cheesier, which seems to be the way things went in the end.

Plot summary:

There is king called Zed, and an evil high priest called Maax. Butterface withces tell Maax a prophesy that he will be killed by King Zed’s unborn child. Maax tells one of the witches to do her thing and she transfers the baby from Zed’s wife into a cow, and then gives it an abortion. Butterface witch tries to kill the aborted baby, but some rando sees it and kills her, and saves the baby Dar.

The Rando is somekind of a warrior and teaches Dar how to fight. Dar also can telepathicly speak to animals. Dar grows up to be a cross between Conan the Barbarian and Luke Skywalker.

Then his village gets sacked by the Jun barbarians, and he goes for revenge. On his way to revenge he meets some animals who become his friends. Then he also meets a pretty slave girl and they share a moment of sprouting puppy love. Dar gets very close to scoring it, but then the girl says she must go and be sacrificed. Haunted by his blue balls Dar must stalk – I mean, save this girl. He follows her to evil sacrificers pyramid where the evil sacrifices are sacrificing children.

Getting sacrificed is the only way to die in this realm. However, the god they worship or what they sacrifice to is left somewhat vague. The baddies just looooove sacrificing. If you watch this movie, make a toast every time they say sacrifice.

Dar happens to meet King Zed’s younger son and his bodyguard. They tell him that the pretty slavegirl is King Zed’s niece – so she is Dar’s cousin? But ofcourse Dar doesn’t know they are related.

They save the pretty slavegirl and she convinces Dar to help them to save king Zed from evil Maax’s dungeon laboratory, where they turn humans into mindless beasts with glowing eyes. King zed is saved and he rallies people to take on Maax. They attack the sacrificing pyramid and the people are no help whatsoever and Dar has to do it all by himself. Maax always gets Dar, but one of his animal friends saves him and … dies unceremoniously. :,(

Then the Jun barbarians make a return and Dar rallies the useless people to fight, but again has to do it all by himself. In the end he gets some help from bird-worshipping monsters, becaue he has a bird friend. Then Dar is done with his business and walks off into the wasteland, to live a masculine wandering life, with his cousin and his animal friends.

The end

My recommendations

This movie is not a masterpiece by any means, but it captures a certain innocense and genuity that gives it a lot of charm. It is family friendly – there is barely any blood. Some animals die, but personally I find it fitting, considering the happy ending, which I will not spoil. It is important to let children face the concept of life and death. This movie is also a good place for facing nudity. Despite there being bare boobs and skimpy outfits, these themes are not portrayed in a pornographic way. The level of horror is not too high for school aged children to get a lot of nightmares, but enough to trigger imagination.

I recommend this to growing children and adult children, and anyoen who needs positive motivation to work out.

Beastmaster’s secret to great teeth: Chewstick.

Even if you live in the wild with animals, don’t let your teeth go bad. Dar surely doesn’t! But if toothbrushes and toothpaste are not yet invented in your realm, or you just forgot them home, you can break a branch off birch, mustard tree, or neem. Chew the tip brushy, and brush your teeth with it. All of these plants contain antimicrobial agents that suppress bacterial growth and the formation of plaque. Birch also contains xylitol.

Quest point:

The Beastmaster director needs your help to find the cult classic's lost negative

https://ew.com/movies/the-beastmaster-don-coscarelli/

What do you think of this classic? Did it affect you as a child, or did you just find it and saw it for the first time? Lets share some thoughts in the comments!